How to be a happy mum

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How to be a happy mum

We all worry we are not doing it right.  Other people seem to be doing it much better, but that really is not the case.  I have been a mum for 8 years and have spent the best part of it worrying that I am not doing it right.  How to deal with the tantrums and constant negotiating with my child.  To be a happy mum is quite straight forward if you set your own boundaries in place of what you will and will not accept.  This is how I manage my life and it does make me a much happier mum.

Let your no’s be no and your yes’s be yes

This for me was a massive learning curve.  When my husband went to work, for an easy life I would say yes to all because I feared I would make my children unhappy.  In fact, my yes’s would make them unhappy because children need structure and boundaries.  Once you get that part out of the way, your children will understand and respect you for it.  If one day I said yes to something just to avoid a melt down, and then said no another day, it just confused them and caused unnecessary upset.

Your children will still love you regardless, don’t forget that.

Have structure and set boundaries with your children

Bed time should be bed time.  Whenever you change the goal posts it just confuses the child.  Never entertain a tantrum.  Be firm but kind and never waiver from this.  Always take the time to explain things to your children from young.  If you are not happy that they are behaving a certain way, say it.  Even if you feel that you are constantly repeating yourself.  Try to stay calm but if you cannot do this, place the child in a safe place and take a minute to calm down.  Then go back and reinforce what you are trying to do.  This takes a lot of patience, but if you keep repeating the process, it does work.

Structure your child(rens) time after school.  Put the dinner on and sit down with your children to get any homework and/or reading completed.  As long as you are in the same room and engaging with your child(ren), there should not be any reason why this cannot be done calmly and with as much patience you can muster.  After dinner, have a little time with your child(ren), ask about their day.  We use the 2 good 1 bad method.  Go around the table and each child and parent takes their turn to say 2 good things about their day and 1 bad thing.  You will be amazed by how much you will learn about your child(ren) if you do this everyday.  After this time, bath, PJ’s and bed for the child(ren) and PJ’s for you.  Keep it simple.  Do not allow your child(ren) to start getting toys and games out after dinner.  It will only gives you much more work to do later on in the evening when both you and your child is tired.

All children are different.  Some will learn faster than others and grow much more quickly than others.  In terms of boundaries and structure, you need to do this carefully as each child grows in age.  In terms of bedtimes, click here for guidance.

Have confidence

In your ability to be a parent.  If you are not sure, research ways of dealing with an issue and then make an informed decision yourself or with your partner/husband.  Other parents have their own way of dealing with things, but take notice of how other parents around you parent their children.  If you see a well behaved child, you automatically assume that the parent must be a good one.  This is not the case.  Every child and every parent is different.  Being consistent and being confident about the way you parent is the key to being a happy mum.

Always agree with your partner/husband in front of your children

Present a united front.  If a child sees a chink in your armour, they will push boundaries to get what they want.

Take time out

You should never feel guilty if you need to take time out for self care.  You came into this world without a partner/husband or children so you do need to take care of your well being to keep a good balance.  This goes for both you and your partner/husband.  Children need to understand that it is not all about them and sometimes you need a little time.  When children are young you give them everything which doesn’t leave very much for you.  Have that night out with the girls, encourage your partner/husband to do the same with their friends.  Of course there is a limit if this is happening every night, but decide together how you will manage it.

Don’t be too hard on yourself

Be kind to yourself.  We are all winging it and no one has got everything in their life under control.  Sometimes there are things that you cannot change or deal with.  Just remember to keep putting one foot in front of the other and do the best that you can.  If you are finding life tough, click here for guidance. I personally use the worry tree to help me deal with things that come up in daily life.  I feel better after I have used it and feel able to move on with my day once I have used it.  This really helps me stop being hard on myself because I use it to deal with things when I just don’t have enough time in the day.

No one is perfect

Facebook, twitter, Instagram can give the impression that other parents are better than you.  What most people do know is that social media doesn’t show the nitty gritty details of someone’s life.  We can all look like we have lots of money to spend on our children, holidays, homes etc. but the truth is none of us are perfect and it is just not real life.

Don’t spend too much time trawling through those glamourous photographs of friends and family appearing to enjoy their lives.  Make beautiful memories of your own and remember, you don’t need to post them on social media to look like the happiest and luckiest person on the planet.  Spend the time with your kids, on yourself, your partner/husband instead.  If you spend a lot of your time worrying, click here for guidance.

Accept who you are

You are an amazing person.  You have given life to children, you have bravely given birth, you are doing the best that you can.  That is truly enough.

If you need help, ask for it.

Don’t be too proud to ask for help from family, close friends or professionals if you are finding life tough.

Be thankful and grateful for everything you have.

If you can’t afford to take your children on expensive holidays or live in a fabulously beautiful home, remember this is not what life is about. Be thankful that you were able to bear children and lastly be thankful that you wake up everyday.